one day you will read this

i didn't do it. i forgot again. i was insane. repeating repetition. over and over. i did it again. i let myself go. i let myself fall. and i forgot to look. and there was no net. just concrete. just pavement. i'm falling now. i see the ground. the cracks and indentations in the hard road. nothing to cushion the blow. no padding. i told myself "look before you leap" like a hallmark greeting card, but i was careless, and i forgot, and now i'm falling again and the winds slapping against my face and it's bruising me. and my stomachs jumping into my mouth and all i see is where i'm going and it's cold and bare and will hurt.

if i close my eyes, sometimes i think about you. i haven't met you. not yet. i hope you are there. you have to be there. you just have to. i close my eyes even when they are open. and i see you. and i feel you. your warm breath on my neck. your smile that spreads the sun. please find me. please be real. please exist. i've dreamt of you for so long. be my canopy. be a soft patch of freshly cut green grass. be a cloud. be sugary crystallized cotton candy that melts in my mouth. be velvet. be there to catch me.

be.

one day you will read this. our toes touching under cool sheets. our bodies melding into one. you will know me. you will know i need you to read this. and you will. and you will want to. and you will smile that smile. and you will have wisdom in your eyes. your pupils expanding as you read this text. and you will know me more. and you will like this and you will like me and you will like us and we will be.

we.

and we will live.